Can I go Home yet?

OK, so this post probably won't have much to do about knitting. But I'm going to put it out there anyways because the knitting community seems like a great group of people who won't mind me going on a little about myself (and if you do care, you should probably stop reading now).

So about... 1.75 years ago (August 2005) I had this fantastic idea that I wanted to come live in Europe for a while. I was 6 months removed from my 6 month study abroad term and missing stuff like yummy pastries and travelling all the time and the fantatstic German beer. So I decided to apply for a Fulbright, even though according to my college it was way too late for me to get everything together. But I did and I ended up getting the fellowship and now I'm here living in Germany. You see, at the time this was a great idea. I didn't really know what I wanted to do after college. Grad school, which had seemed a given since I started attending preschool (that's what 2 parents with advanced degrees will get you), wasn't really all that appealing any more. So I decided to put it all off, head to Europe, and hopefully have a great time. As luck would have it, C got a position teaching English in France and we were both going to be in Europe and it was going to be great!

Fast forward to now. Well, it hasn't been great. For the first 8 months C and I were 7 hours and about 80euros apart. We tried to see eachother 1 or 2 weekends a month, and because he worked at a school he got a lot of holidays, but after having been around eachother almost 24/7 for the past year, that just didn't cut it. Long distance relationships SUCK! We have both vowed to never let that happen again... I only hope it can work out that it doesn't.

Now his program is done, and he is living with me! Which is great! Most of the time. It has nothing to do with him. Just the accomodations in which we live. Living in an approximately 280 square foot apartment, one room (except for the bathroom), with 2 stove burners and a dorm size fridge was tolerable for one person. Sure, I have to sleep on a sofa bed, and I have limited options as to what I can cook, but I have internet so it's ok! Now the slightly larger than twin size bed is just a touch small for 2 people. We bought a microwave and a mini oven in February, but food is still limited. And there just isn't any privacy (which is tolerable when it's just the 2 of us, but when we have 1 or 2 people visiting, gets... annoying.).

My job has kind of stalled. I don't have any reason to do the research (chemistry research in a grad student lab... where I'm a nobody) other than for the "fun" of it.. and nothing seems to be working for me. I feel like I'm in limbo where I'm trying to plan for when we head back to the states in less than 2 months so I don't have to live with my parents for long... but everytime I apply for a job it seems they need someone RIGHT NOW. So I want to move forward, but there's a wall. There's nothing for me here, and I have no idea what is in store for me back home.

And I miss my car. And Taco Bell. And things being open after 8pm or on Sundays.

Europe (Germany specifically) isn't all bad. There are fantastic pastries. And Nutella. And AMAZING beer (for cheap!!). And it's nice (most of the time) to walk everywhere and take public transportation and feel like you're being good to yourself and the environment for doing so. And the trains here are awesome! But walking to grocery store and having to carry everything back every other day or so gets old. Especially when you live a good bit away. And travelling is great (see Venice!) when I get the chance, but I feel bad taking off of "work" and having a tiny apartment that costs more than half of your monthly stipend doesn't leave a lot extra to travel on.

I feel stuck in the life of a college student, and, believe it or not, I'm ready to grow up.

(Sorry that was really rambly and didn't make a lot of sense... I just had to get it out somewhere, and apparently the internet was the place it needed to go.)